COMPREHENSIVE INTERNATIONAL EDITORIAL

The following is an editorial piece written and composed by COMPREHENSIVE INTERNATIONAL ASSOCIATE Leo Baum. It utilizes a variety of rhetorical moves throughout, and has a varied and interesting syntax structure. This piece demonstrates a COMPREHENSIVE and INTERNATIONAL command of modern English, and was graded thirty-four out of forty on a seemingly arbitrary and inaccurate scale.

There is a major and also real and definitely existing problem which I find to be incredibly relevant and in need of immediate attention. This could be a somewhat close-minded mindset as my self-determined problem has limited stakes on the state level, and even lower stakes on the Federal level, yet I have, regardless, convinced myself that once I solve this issue, I will be happier and more productive and better suited to live in the world in a way which would ultimately make me proud of the ways I’m spending, or would be spending, my time, and then, therefore, the quality of my life would increase directly. 

There is such a great deal of Mediacontent which exists in the world, that the amount could, when given any rational thought, be considered overwhelming. I think my own personal over-whelm stems from the fact that I could be busying myself with pages and pixels and frames of a relatively mediocre quality compared to the expansive libraries of information of high and wonderful calibers. 

There is something awful and terrible about turning on a TV—with the remote which you had to look for for a second and then found it under a blanket, which is too small to use for warmth—flipping through the stations to find something at least partially palatable, tolerable, and hopefully entertaining. This has never led any human being, living or dead, to a program they, by definition, enjoy. Or, directly contrastingly, it has, and I have an unrealistic standard for the quality of the media content that I think should be consumed. 

There is a limited number of hours in a calendar day, and if you chart out what repetitive tasks must be completed in said calendar day, it becomes apparent that there are fewer hours than you initially expect, or than you thought you knew, or than your clock told you there are, or more realistically, fewer hours than the clock from Target sitting on your nightstand, which has not been adjusted for daylight savings time and will be used with that imperfection regardless, even though it is a simple and easy task to change the time by an hour, but you never know which combination of buttons to press to actually change the hour, and then you get worried if the clock is set to AM or PM but regardless of any of that, there is limited time in a calendar day. 

I’ve made pie charts before and they only depress me. These pie charts make me angry. I am angered by the pie charts. Because “right off the bat,”—I guess baseball analogies/colloquial sayings are viable—sleep takes up eight hours of your calendar day. That is one-third of the twenty-four you are given by God, or rather by the team of scientists which Apple bought once it went public in 1980. Another hour and a half must be delegated before sleeping, and another after sleeping, as sufficient time is necessary for the preparation for sleeping, despite no actual sleeping occurring during those two hour-and-a-half intervals. At this point, the pie chart has eleven of the twenty-four hours filled, dangerously close to half of the available hours a person could use during the day. And for the working people, or the learning people, which although are drastically different groups, they have similar hour requirements, another eight-ish hours are taken right out of your day, filled with tasks and mundane living and generally uninteresting, passion-lacking labor, unless you happen to be employed by Dancing With The Stars, though it can be assumed that the reality of the production of that television program is not nearly as exciting as the newsmedia would like the people and viewers to believe. And now I do not want to but must remind you that only three hours worth of space are left in our pie chart—a graphic of which will most definitely not be provided—and there is probably about an hour of commuting that was not yet factored in, and probably an hour of eating and calorie consuming which was not yet factored in, and probably an hour of forgotten tasks and forms that need filling and prescriptions that need fulfilling, and probably an hour of extraneous tasks to be completed in preparation for the next day of labor (of any kind), and at this point, you, the reader, have now spent twenty-five hours in a day which holds only twenty-four, and I am at least decently sure, although my arithmetic is not always and consistently accurate, that those two given values are not in fact equal nor, to use another adjective, equivalent. 

There is a therefore undesirable mindset which can, in theory, grow from this seeming lack of time, and can even extend to cause a dread for periods of exhaustion, with a self-directed unhappiness derived from a desire to accomplish in the presence of an inability to do so. I have found myself, on at least one occasion, sympathizing with the previous sentence as it requires, to state the obvious, such a great deal less effort to engage in meaningless mindless Mediacontent as opposed to either creating or experiencing content of an actual quality. I am sure there are living people who enjoy Days Of Our Lives, or at least one person who the Nielsen Ratings company calls every time who does enjoy the awful program, though it would seem definite that such a person would be able to acknowledge the fact that there is so little production value on the show, it seems almost irrational that episodes continue to be produced. In the current modern-age, with modern of course being a relative term as shag carpeting was once considered modern, short-form amature pieces of Mediacontent are produced at some inconceivable rate, with digital platforms and applications existing for sole purpose of distributing this Mediacontent to as many people as is feasible and possible, while also obviously monetizing every aspect in a non-discreet way. These forms of media seem initially appealing due to their convenience, though, it soon becomes apparent after a vague and short interaction with this new form of content that convenience is the only selling point. 

There is now the current state of affairs in which I no longer consume the unnecessary Mediacontent, and I can affirm my initial premonition that this would in fact make me a happier person. I do find that I have more available time to complete projects that make me happy, and to engage in the consumption of content that I think is positively influential, such as It’s Garry Shandling’s Show.